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More of Kylers scribblings..
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Tyler Adams
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 2:39 am    Post subject: More of Kylers scribblings.. Reply with quote

If you don't like it, just don't post.

Anyways.. Something I came up with during a long ride in a car..

My name is Mike, I'm 14, and I'm a freshman in highschool.

'Mike! Mike!'

I knew who that was, a friend of mine, a girl named Bethany, best friends with ANOTHER girl I knew and liked.

She fairly DRAGGED me into a nearby empty classroom.

'She's going to kill herself!'

'What..? Who's gonna kill herself?! Where?!' I asked her.

'Katie! She just told me the top of her apartment building.' As my luck had it, Katie was her friend I liked. If I fuck up, I won't be seeing her. Ever again. If I succeeded, the rewards would be.. amazing, possibly..

'I know where that is.. Follow me.'

I ran outside and ran for the building, a decently sized four-story building overlooking the river.

'Ohh.. shit..'

I saw her, standing on the side that overlooked the river, a pistol held loosely in her left hand, pointed at the ground under her.

I ran up the stairs and kicked the door open.

She turned around when she heard the door open, and brought the pistol to her head, looking slightly crazed.

I moved with speed I did not know I possessed.

I grabbed the pistol from her hand, ejected the magazine, drop-kicked it into the river, and fired the chambered bullet in a matter of thirty seconds, half of that time taken to get to her.

I dropped the pistol (a WWII-vintage M1911) over the edge and stepped infront of her to prevent her from trying to jump over the edge.

'You'll thank me one day, possibly one day soon, Katie.'

She backhanded me so hard I flew across a two lane road into the river, a good three feet past where the clip had landed.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 2:32 pm    Post subject: Re: More of Kylers scribblings.. Reply with quote

Kyler Adams wrote (View Post):
If you don't like it, just don't post.


Slightly flawed philosophy there. We didn't hunt through your room or hard drive for this, you shared it with the forum... and at that it's pretty awful. I suppose if you're really 14 it's fairly typical literary work, but a first person perspective, along with the 'hey let's cast myself as the hero' plot device and well... seeming antigrammar...

I'm sure it was fun for you to write. I guess that's what matters in our school systems anymore.

EVERYBODY IS A WINNER! Grin

No, but seriously, don't quite your day job.

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2006 7:59 pm  Reply with quote

Hmm, its not that bad man, but try and use some variation in your sentences, don't start them all with "I", try saying something else, you shouldn't realy refere to yourself in the first person when writing a story, at least not all the time, try third person.
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Tyler Adams
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 10, 2006 9:07 pm  Reply with quote

Hmm..

True..

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 10, 2006 10:50 pm    Post subject: Re: More of Kylers scribblings.. Reply with quote

Rattuskid wrote (View Post):
[No, but seriously, don't quite your day job.

Don't quit yours either, Rattus Razz

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 4:12 pm  Reply with quote

Eh, whatever Zest. I've been accused of many things, but knowing how to spell was never one of them.

The main issue of this story, and most young video game taught authors is that you try to make the work 'action packed' and exaggerated. The medium is a very delicate one for such things. It's why this reads more like a cheesy screenplay than a heartstring plucking tale.

That and you're obviously talking about something you know little about. Suicide is the most selfish act a person can do, coddling them and letting them think themself the victim only hurts them more. You have to recognize gesturing or honest depression, and seek help. The issues/trauma that caused them to be suicidal don't just 'go away' after you save them.

It all boils down to writing about what you know, and avoiding what you don't like all hell.

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Tyler Adams
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 9:02 pm  Reply with quote

Yea, alright, that did suck badly.

So I did something completely different. I spent a couple days on it. I think it's pretty good.. of course, at my standard 'pretty good' is probably crappy at.. anyone else's standards..



This is the story of a Kushan Interceptor pilot, early in the campaign for Hiigara. (Homeworld I)

‘Squadron Three, you are clear for launch.’

‘Roger that, Command.’

I was flying a ‘Blade’ – class Mk V Interceptor, part of a twelve fighter squadron. We had engaged a small Taidani fleet, mainly frigates and fighters, but we’d heard rumors of heavier stuff, including a Carrier and possibly a Heavy Cruiser.

One, Two, and Three had left the bay already. I was Four. I left the bay and followed Three, doing a barrel roll just for the hell of it.

‘Squadron Three, you’re ordered to escort Ion Frigate Group One. Sphere formation, keep them alive.’

‘Squadron Three acknowledges.’

We took positions over the center and foremost frigate in their delta formation. I took a position directly over the bridge. Squadrons One, Two, Four, and Five all took positions over the rest of them.

They started moving forward, ever so slowly compared to the speed I was capable of doing. Of course, they could also take multiple Ion Beams across the hull. Unlike us. But, oh well.. Tradeoffs, tradeoffs.

I looked around in the slightly crowded cockpit I was probably going to spend most of my life, however short it may be, inside.

I flipped a couple of switches, shunting more power into the dual mass drivers beside and behind the cockpit.

Half an hour, by my watch, still on Kharak orbit time, went by, and some fighters attacked Squadron One’s frigate. Squadron One vaporized them before they could get in range. Seems that I wasn’t the only one who’d shunted power to weapons.

I gave them a thumbs up that the guys inside the Ion Beam Frigate we were escorting, a mere 20 meters away, probably couldn’t have seen if they’d known I did it.

Shortly afterwards, a formation of fighters attacked our frigate. I fired at the foremost fighter, painted a bright and ugly yellow and clashing red color, feeling slightly satisfied at the resulting explosion. The rest of the squad finished them off, each one getting a kill.

‘Tag.’ I smiled, humorlessly. Another kill, another mark on my hull.

Another, much larger formation of fighters followed them a minute later.
I sprayed at the foremost five, most slugs missing but a couple hitting one. It veered off course, turning around and fleeing the way it’d come. I fired at it, repeatedly, hitting it several times. It blew up.

I turned to the rest of the fighters, halved by my squad and the other surrounding squads.

I sprayed at the formation, not really expecting to do any major damage.

Some of the escorting fighters had taken damage. A Support Frigate hyperspaced in about a kilometer behind the formation. The badly damaged ones dropped out of formation and docked with the frigate, a squadron of defenders taking formation around it.

A couple of minelayers flew across the formation, dropping mines and fleeing full speed. An Ion Frigate fired its cannon and vaporized one of them as it flew past. The rest of the fighters got the other one, at least one slug tagging the mine as it left the launcher, blowing itself up and vaporizing the minelayer.

I did a barrel roll and flew forward to cover the position of one of my squadmates over the hull as he docked for repairs.

Shortly afterwards, a large formation of Heavy Corvettes mixed with some sort of advanced fighter that can destroy bullets escorted a pair of Assault Frigates attacked us.

I heard one of the Ion Beam Frigate crewman say over the radio ‘Finally, something to shoot!’ as I sprayed at one of the Heavy Corvettes, most of my bullets not even getting close. As this happened, the damaged fighter had returned & taken his position, leaving me back over the bridge.

‘Alright, let’s kick some ass!’ At this moment, one of the Taidani frigates blew up from concentrated Ion Beam fire.

Suddenly, a formation of Heavy Capital ships hyperspaced all around us.

’SHIT! IT’S AN AMBUSH!’

I flew forward, not quite sure what I was doing, the trigger held down, spraying bullets everywhere, then suddenly, my Interceptor.. was out of my control, I was spinning, faster and faster.

My head smashed against the side of the cockpit beside me, and I blacked out.

I woke up, some time later. My radio was silent, the console showed everything as offline. I looked out the canopy and saw, to my amazement, one of those fighters that I’d hated so much, one of those yellow and red fighters that could destroy my bullets, protecting me.

As I watched, a guided missile flew towards me. The fighter fired at it, then rammed it.

I had a moment of silence for the one that had saved me.

Afterwards, I attempted to restart some systems.

I flipped all switches to ‘off’, then flipped the vital one, life support, on. I heard a comforting hum as it activated. Next, radio. It, too, activated, and I heard some staticy communications in Kushan. I smiled. Not really a smile, more of a smirk of satisfaction. Lights on the console in front of me started activating.

Next, engines. I flipped the switch marked ‘Engine Power’ to ‘on’. Sizzle, sizzle, spark.

‘Erm.. shit..’

I flipped the switch back off.

‘Well, now what?’ It was a rhetorical question, there was no one to reply.

‘Reroute power through power couplings three and four and reactivate the engine’, a voice in my head suddenly suggested. It sounded.. familiar.. but I didn’t know. And having nothing else to do, I did so.

Flip switch, low hum of engine activating.

‘Whao..’

I shut the engine off to conserve fuel.

‘Hmm.. sensors next?’ I asked myself, smirking.

I flipped the switch marked ‘Sensor Power’.

Sizzle, sizzle, spark, whumm.

As that ended, the sensor screen lit up, and lots of wreckage showed up, as well as a couple friendly and hostile blips.

I reactivated the engine and went forward, towards the largest piece of wreckage, hoping it wasn’t a section of the Mothership.

It wasn’t.

In fact, it wasn’t even a Kushan craft. It was what appeared to be the mangled wreck of a Tidani Heavy Cruiser.
That found, I explored the rest of the field, conserving fuel.

Drift forward, look around, drift forward, wipe hands on pants, repeat.

It seems we’d won the battle, at a heavy price.

Kushan and Tidani frigates lay destroyed, most in multiple pieces. A turret, a Kushan frigate, by the looks, whizzed past me. Corvettes and fighters.. were almost impossible to tell, in so many small chunks, simply recognizable by the color or shape of the chunk.

We’d won, certainly. A Tidani Carrier hull drifted past, badly wrecked. It had been.. wasted.. by Kushan Ion Beam Frigates and Attack Bombers..

The battle won, I headed towards the Mothership’s last known location, hoping it hadn’t jumped to hyperspace yet.

It hadn’t. I docked with it, nearly out of fuel, tired, and slightly apprehensive, but exhilarated.

We’d met the Tiidan. We’d beaten them, in this sector. They’d immolated Kharak. We’re coming for them. For Vengance. For our Homeworld. For Hiigara!

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